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that i'm having with myself

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* * *
My heart crumples
I fall to the ground
There’s nothing left here for me
I couldn’t keep up
It doesn’t matter anymore
The edges fade
Pavement beneath me
Hard and cold
Like the heart I’ve created
Once there was love
In a story long ago
Past the years of pain


Breathe deep
These are the last breaths you’ll take
Dear child wake up
Don’t let it consume you


Fast the time slips away
Memories rush by
Back when there was life left for me
A tale left unfinished
Crushed by death
Finished by my own
Unsuspecting heart
Made of glass
I never saw it
And now I stumble
There’s no getting back up


Hold on don’t let go
The world can’t save you
Save yourself
Love hasn’t deserted you


Flaws are magnified
Trample over the stone heart
I made for myself
Forever is now
Now has passed into the shadows
Where I once had something
To call my own
Silence mocks the misery
It brings to my doorstep
This laughter makes
My heart yearn
There is nothing that can
Break the chains
I collapse


Cling to this
Don’t let it stop you
There more left here
You are stronger than you know
Life is waiting
Choose life
Choose me


On the floor
As this life
I let it pass me by
The glass shatters
The chains explode
In a million little pieces
I lay broken
My story is coming
To the chapter
Crumpled on the ground
Trying to live
Wishing for the death
I deserve
Get up and live
They tell me
Voices in my head
Leave me to
Make this final
This heart of mine
Gives out
I surrender
My life left me
Years back when love died
And loneliness set in
I fall to pieces
This path catches my fall
Light leaves me


Get up
Reach for the light
Beyond the darkness
Don’t give up
Love hasn’t left you
This heart never left
I can’t live without you
Please get up
Turn around
Finish the story you’ve written
See those that love you
See me
And smile again.
Mood:
content i am loved.
Music:
standing in line
* * *
i used to see you

but my own diaster has encompassed me

the world sinks in

pushes me to my knees

as i crumble

you disappear

leaving me to my fate

you were there for me once

when things were without complication

you have fallen from my sight

as i have from yours



is there anything left for us?

those that are forced to serve

the lies that they created

own nothing.

and for seeing me

you are just as i am



you died

you left me alone

in this world

with nothing but hopes

in ruin



land streatches before me

there is emptiness waiting for me

you left me here

i must embrace what i have created



without you

hell creaps in

to capture its loyal servant

no protests can be redemption



that moment i looked down

you died

i was sentenced to eternity

and my beloved fire took my heart

the moment i looked down

there were none who could save me

not even you.
Mood:
okay things just sort of happen...
Music:
lithium
* * *
dumped by my best friend

the third time he broke my heart

damn!

Mood:
depressed fuck fuck fuck &c..
Music:
s.o.a.d.
* * *
i was told to publish my poems in Lit Mag

damn that's scary
i don't know how personal they really are
and i dont know if i'm ready for people to read that

gr! help

i just dont know

i write too much
think too much
and dont do enough of my work

i think ill fail at life.
too bad
so sad.

Mood:
confused i never know whats happening..
Music:
planxty aer lingus
* * *

i am definately going to hell -- 19%

Start with 100%, and take away 1% for everything you've done/that's happened to you on this list.

the testCollapse )

Mood:
calm zen
* * *
* * *
i see you moving past me
moving so far away
yet today i dont feel so sad
you are going to be gone forever
i understnad now
but my heart will never forget
heart to heart
blood to blood
you and i are one
your face will never smile at me
you face will always be turned
never again can i look in your eyes
slowly moving down your path
back turned
away from me
there is nothing i can do
no word i can say
forever your back will be turned
today is the end
the end of what i used to see
somehow i can smile
for what we were
and not be so downhearted
depart we do from eachother
backs turned
forever taking one step further
never to turn back
and have one more glance
my feet are sure of their path
the path that takes me so far from you
in that one moment we became one
heart to heart
blood to blood
forever you and i stand
together
without each other.

-- for the man that saved my life ... and killed my heart.
Mood:
happy oddly happy
* * *
i'm just a fucked up person wandering through a life i don't understand.


taking something new, with a fuck you attitude




[*edit*]


it really makes it not hurt so much
i understand now
Mood:
blah broken, battered, good as new
Music:
three days grace, [overrated]
* * *
who ever thought you could miss someone so much
have your heart torn in two as they walk away
be left with nothing after they are gone

its funny how you look back and see their effect
how much they were a part of the life you once had
and all you ever want is to be back
in their arms
having them hold you
taking care of you

the heart gets so attached to things
so entwined in them
it can never let go
and never forget, even if it does forgive
he was there
for better or worse he was there
how can i hate him?

those things that you found so annoying
become the things you wish you had with you
everything abut them becomes real
and your heart crys for that same moment all those moons ago

i see him everyday
and yet i miss what was never there
i miss him so much more than i ever thought i could
and its stupid because he was never there
he took care of me but what did i have?
a friend?
something more?
or nothing at all...

now all i want is too run away
never see him
ever
i want to be free of this spell
i want to forget
to give up what ever it was, if it ever was anything
i want to cry
i want to scream
i want to quit
but i cant hate him
he did more for my than he'll ever know

i never thought that i could miss him
i never thought that i would miss him
but i do
and every time i see him
the world spins
and my eyes go black.
Mood:
cold when will my heart be ok?
Music:
Three Days Grace
* * *
new journal ... w00t
* * *